Monday, May 26, 2014
Friday, May 9, 2014
Honest Thoughts Home
Oh, to find a place
Where honest thoughts can be spoken without judgement
(head bowed, slightly beaten these days)
Joined a group that helps others but continually shows photos of distressed children. Definitely thinking of leaving it, most specifically for that reason alone.
My autism, I've never understood how to work in a group. They don't get the autism thing. Confusion, frustration. To have to agree with those in charge.
Aspergers is a solo team sport.
Still physically feeling like crap. Unable to walk without great effort. Sleeping 15 hours a day, but it's not near enough. Constant exhaustion wears me down.
Went out with a friend this week. First time in months. Had a great time, but for the exhaustion repercussion. Body working on getting stronger, but I lag.
Hoping for peace. I've heard about it.
Therapy pretty intense these days.
Each subject matter a frustrated, emotional, sphere ready to burst. Powder keg like, in terms of intensity.
Sitting farther back from therapist these days. We, too volitale, need space, swinging arms and kicking feet.
That's it for now.
Where honest thoughts can be spoken without judgement
(head bowed, slightly beaten these days)
Joined a group that helps others but continually shows photos of distressed children. Definitely thinking of leaving it, most specifically for that reason alone.
My autism, I've never understood how to work in a group. They don't get the autism thing. Confusion, frustration. To have to agree with those in charge.
Aspergers is a solo team sport.
Still physically feeling like crap. Unable to walk without great effort. Sleeping 15 hours a day, but it's not near enough. Constant exhaustion wears me down.
Went out with a friend this week. First time in months. Had a great time, but for the exhaustion repercussion. Body working on getting stronger, but I lag.
Hoping for peace. I've heard about it.
Therapy pretty intense these days.
Each subject matter a frustrated, emotional, sphere ready to burst. Powder keg like, in terms of intensity.
Sitting farther back from therapist these days. We, too volitale, need space, swinging arms and kicking feet.
That's it for now.
Monday, May 5, 2014
The Whispering Watcher age 10
I have a person, an alternate personality, that I just met. She is 10 years old. Her job was to sit up, backed into a corner of whatever bed I was sleeping in, and watch for my dad. She stays awake all night, finds sleep to be a highly vulnerable, unprotected, outlandish thing. So her job was to alert me, to whisper in my ear and gently touch my shoulder, and tell me when my dad was approaching. She is hypervigilant, terribly scared and always on guard.
She talked to Therapist for the first time today. At one point telling Therapist, "I don't know you." To which Therapist replied, "I know you don't." Therapist is pretty good about spotting new people and switching.
I was wondering why I was sitting up against the wall unable to sleep last night. Now I know.
Not sure how to try and explain that we don't live in the parents house anymore and we are safe.
If you take away a persons job...they fear evaporation. Everyone has a very specific function, it's all they know how to do. The job, composes them.
It was nice to see her and hear her voice, see her mannerisms today. She's pretty cool. :)
She talked to Therapist for the first time today. At one point telling Therapist, "I don't know you." To which Therapist replied, "I know you don't." Therapist is pretty good about spotting new people and switching.
I was wondering why I was sitting up against the wall unable to sleep last night. Now I know.
Not sure how to try and explain that we don't live in the parents house anymore and we are safe.
If you take away a persons job...they fear evaporation. Everyone has a very specific function, it's all they know how to do. The job, composes them.
It was nice to see her and hear her voice, see her mannerisms today. She's pretty cool. :)
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