Living with Agoraphobia

Agoraphobia is an anxiety/ panic disorder in which a person has attacks of intense fear and anxiety. There is also a fear of being in places where it is hard to escape, new/ unfamiliar places, or where help might not be available.  Sufferers might avoid being alone, leaving home, or any situation where you could feel trapped, embarrassed or helpless.
  People with agoraphobia often have a hard time feeling safe in any public place, especially where crowds gather. Other situations that may cause concern, wide-open spaces, as well as uncontrollable social situations such as shopping malls, airports and on bridges.
 Approximately 3.2 million or about 2.2% of adults in the US between the ages of 18 and 54 suffer from agoraphobia.
 In response to a traumatic event (yeah, that would be called the majority of my childhood), anxiety may interrupt the formation of memories and disrupt the learning process, resulting in dissociation (another of the few things I do extremely well).
   I've probably had agoraphobia since my twenties. I noticed it most acutely around thirty. I wasn't able to go for a walk around the blck without panic. Therapy helped, just general psychotherapy where I talked about my childhood abuse and daily issues that bothered me. I starting gaining self-confidence, using anti-anxiety meds before going out and overall agoraphobia became a non-issue.
 Earlier this week, I got startled and flew into a panic at the grocery store. I've been doing little but sleep on the couch for the past three days. Autistic shutdown? Or just plain too scared to face life? I'm not sure.
 I only go out for obligations and appointments I can't cancel. I've cancelled most everything for the next two weeks. I am tired. I feel exhausted and unable to cope. I'm not sure when I'll be able to face the store again.
 In my ead, I'm already making lists of plans to battle through grocery shopping: make a list according to location, keep my back to the wall, don't get caught between people, if there are too many in the aisle skip it and come back or get at a later date. I'm thinking if I do ten items or less, I can go through the speedy checkout lane, which is where my panic attack happened. More trips, but faster in and out.
 It's scary to even think about, quite honestly. I'm still recovering.
Thanks for reading. I always welcome comments.