Why bother living?

So I'm fourteen and feel like I just walked out of a closet. This doesn't make much sense, life, that is. Seems 90% of each day is spent doing things I don't want to do. Taking care of kids, spouse, pets, house, chores, errands, did I mention kids? This isn't fun. It ain't livin. It's doing for every one else. How can you know who you are? What you like? Enjoy anything? Constantly at someone else's beck and call. I don't get this. Non sense.
 We all live to die and then live and die and it's a never ending cycle. There is no winning here. Just a tolerating. A moment here, a moment there. I'm lost and disillusioned. Looking to experience the least amount of pain and discomfort and the quickest, least suffering death.
 Death is something we all do, but we dare not talk about it, taboo.
Big secret, we each are born, live and die for our selves, our own soul. I'm not here for you, or that kid, this stranger, that family. I was born for me, to experience life. To make choices. To fall into traps. Hopefully to get stronger and experience something positive.
 We get so attached to others, crazily so. People leave. Everyone moves on and dies. Find some grace to love and let go. Grief is the biggest pitfall, roadblock, we all face. Dying must be a pleasure. To be free of the pain, suffering, turmoil. Life is hard. I have experienced such depth of suffering and torture. Death must be heaven. Peace and Freedom at last. The never ending cycle of life, death, between life's, birth and all over again.
 How is my soul, my spirit, my link from life to life? I need, I seek nourishment for my spirit. It can be found in nature, in the quiet, in the silence of a starry night.
 We live to feel, to experience with our hands and our hearts.
Bodies, especially sensitive autistic bodies, require such astute, precise and time-consuming care. I'm mid-aged and have yet to figure out what heals and what hurts my body. Strange, rare ailments beleaguer. Medicines adjusted and dosed specifically, outside guidelines, my body has a mindset, rather a structure...still not right...my body requires exquisite fine tuning in subtle degrees. I'm very individualistic in what my body likes and does not like.
 Still haven't figured it out yet. Maybe I never will. Seems with age, symptoms complicate.
I'm just not sure what to make of all this.
I'm not sure I'm liking life or does it even matter if I like it or not?
If this is a never ending roller coaster ride, can I get off and take the bus?